i hope u find someone that mindlessly plays with your hands and lightly strokes your legs and massages your back and plays with your hair and i hope that u feel like you’re home when u look at them
NO “TELEPHONES”. TALK TO EACH OTHER. FACE TO FACE ONLY. WRITE A LETTER. SEND A TELEGRAM TO YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 1860. LIVE.
NO ‘WRITING’… TALK TO EACH OTHER. THROW A ROCK AT YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 10,000 BCE. LIVE.
URGGA. ROU GRAAURH. RUH.
<SMACKS HANDS ON WALL WITH PAINT.>
NO ‘HIGHER BRAIN FUNCTIONS’ …USE YOUR REPTILIAN BRAIN
EAT YOUR MOM’S CORPSE SHE DIED TO PROVIDE YOU WITH SUSTENANCE
PRETEND YOU HAVE JUST AROSE FROM THE SEA
NO “MULTICELLULAR TRAITS”….. USE YOUR SYMBIOTIC MITOCHONDRIA
REPRODUCE ASEXUALLY, YOU’RE YOUR OWN PARENT
PRETEND IT’S 2BYA
NO “LIFE.” USE FUNDAMENTAL PHYSICAL FORCES TO FORM SPHERICAL OBJECTS REVOLVING AROUND ONE ANOTHER IN SPACE.
FUSE HYDROGEN INTO HELIUM USING GRAVITATIONAL PRESSURE TO PRODUCE HEAT AND LIGHT.
PRETEND IT’S 4.5BYA.
STABILIZE INTO EQUILIBRIA
NO “MATTER”. EXIST IN THE VOID WITHOUT PURPOSE OR MEANING.
THERE IS NO “YOU”, ONLY THE VAST CONCEPT OF NOTHING.
TIME DOES NOT EXIST.
I feel like something really important just happened
sexy inexplicable melancholy
I think the time is ripe to reblog this.
none pizza with left beef
It should be a rule of Tumblr to always reblog none pizza with left beef
ive missed you
#THIS IS MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING JUST THE BEEF#YOU COULD TELL THE POOR CHEF WAS JUST FUCKING#DISGUSTED#WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS#WHAT THE F U C K IS THIS#WHO THE FUCK ORDERS A#A /NONE/ PIZZA?? JUST BEEF ON THE LEFT???#FUCK IT#F U CK IT#JUST COOK THE FUCKING DOUGH#HERE LET ME THROW THIS FUCKING HANDFUL OF OBLONG BEEF CHUNKS AT YOUR NONE FUCKING PIZZA#FUCK YOU#FUCK YOU AND ALL YOU STAND FOR#LEFT FUCKING BEEF (via askscientistcarlos)
I love None Pizza with Left Beef.
3th time i’ve reblogged this
i didn’t know none pizza with left beef could get funnier but i’m dying
this was the weirdest movie ever.
shrek 2 was the highest grossing film of 2004 and is the 26th highest grossing film of all time
if u wanna date me I hope u like excessive swearing and long talks about feminism
it’s my brother’s wedding today and we had to fill an advice sheet
needless to say, I am indeed a relationship expert
turns out my sister-in-law really likes chocolate too! but I found that out long after I handed the form in, what a happy coincidence
Gandalf: the super nanny
I want a superhero movie where the hero dies in the first ten minutes and the woman who was supposed to be the love interest puts on his costume and becomes an even better hero.
I want all of the advertising to be for the hero and none of the marketing to even allude to this death.
imagine all the male tears
Now that’s a movie
cat: places paw tentatively on boob
cat: presses paw down on boob
cat: slowly, agonizingly walks across boobs
This is what a good day looks like.